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Awareness of parental alienation & importance of fatherhood

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Goal $1,500

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the flag image of country Ricky Oh


I am a father in my 40's who has experienced what most middle age guys have gone through. I am one who sees the importance of the fathering role in children, both young and adolescents alike. Unfortunately, my marriage has met with a bitter end in August 2015 when I have signed under duress to all the terms laid out by my ex-wife which were unfavorable against me, with me having no legal representation after all my savings being forcefully taken away by her. Since then I was completely blocked off through unreasonable maternal gatekeeping and abusive parental alienation by my ex-wife from my children, a 11-year-old son and 9-year-old daughter. The only way I could keep in contact with my children was to rush to their school's student care centre after work to bond with them using the little pockets of time. During this time most of my child access requests to my ex-wife have been turned down. I do not get to celebrate my children's birthdays. I do not get to spend time with them and bring them for relatives’ visitation during Chinese New Year. I could have provided revision and tutoring for my children for all their subjects as I was more academically inclined than my ex-wife but my ex-wife outsourced to external tutors and continued to seek claims from me exorbitantly due to the lopsided terms in the consent order which I had signed under duress years ago. After my matrimonial flat was sold, I bought a resale flat near to Nan Chiau Primary School where both my children are studying, after surrendering my insurance policy to make up for the CPF refund shortfall. I had hoped to seek a reasonable agreement with my ex-wife to let the children have regular stayovers with me, which there were initially in 2016 but stopped a few months after my ex-wife capitalized on the circumstance that I had to go Canada for a new job training. Due to parental alienation by my ex-wife, my children, with whom I have always had a good relationship with, were deprived of their much-deserved fathering and have suffered in their studies as well as holistic development.


Current social problem of fatherlessness

I had joined VWOs like SANA (Singapore Anti-Narcotics Association) as a para-counsellor and the Life Community Services Society as a befriender of children whose parent(s) were incarcerated. Through these volunteering activities, I have witnessed both the positive impact of fathers in raising children to prepare them for the future, as well as the adverse impact from the lack of paternal involvement. In all of the social problems which I have come across, fatherlessness is mainly the root cause which is often an outcome of estranged parents due to divorce. It is not uncommon to see ex-husbands being blocked out totally from their children due to a bitter divorce. Even when these fathers have the capability to raise the kids, they are not encouraged by the fact that the sole care and control of children is de facto awarded to mothers, and the term care and control has been abused by ex-wives to take control of everything to the extent of causing immense psychological harm not only to the fathers but the children as well.


Lack of strong men's support groups and misandry in Singapore

A google search with the keywords "women support Singapore" as compared to "men support Singapore" evidently shows there is an extremely strong support for women locally. Women are generally more outspoken than men so the social unjust due to misandry have not been voiced out to create enough awareness of parental alienation these fathers have suffered. The unfair treatment due to misandry have only been worsened by a continued effort by the various women support groups and government ministries to strengthen the protection of women under the outdated Women's Charter clauses related to divorce. The Women's Charter is way overdue for an overhaul policy review to better reflect the current context and familial requirements, especially since children will be greatly affected and potentially become victims of parental alienation and fatherlessness from strong unreasonable maternal gatekeeping by vindictive ex-wives. The financial and employment capability as well as the societal position of women has also improved vastly over the decades. 


Overdue reform and review of Women's Charter clauses related to divorce

Custodial terms and clauses related to divorce under the Woman's Charter need to be reviewed and changed to reflect more accurately the encouragement of co-parenting of children between divorced couples. For example, the term "care and control" of children, which is de facto awarded to mothers by judges has been loosely interpreted by vindictive ex-wives to mean they control everything about the children, often blocking out the children's father in the process of deciding everything related to the children including father's access to the children. It could instead be more peaceably termed as "guardianship". The term "child access" usually applicable to parents without care and control, and mostly fathers, has an acrimonious connotation akin to a criminal or accused having visitation access to the children. It should be more appropriately termed as "co-parenting time" to set the paradigm for co-parenting.


An unspoken voice

Unless we could have an overhaul review of the Women's Charter Act related to divorce-related policies and procedures to reflect a more unbiased platform regardless of gender, the voices of these alienated fathers and children of fatherlessness will remain unheard and unspoken of. Thousands of children will be deprived of their much deserved fatherly love due to misandry. Judges will continue to act biasedly against fathers in their judgement and family law practitioners would continue to charge exorbitant fees. This is an act of wrongdoing  which must be corrected in the best interests of these children. On behalf of these fathers and children, as a matter of dire urgency, I beseech you to help create awareness and seek equilibrium of the Scale of Justice in this regard. For this effort, I intend to raise funds to print 50 T-shirts to create awareness of parental alienation and importance of fatherhood. I seek your good conscience and strong support. 



Yours sincerely,

Ricky Oh

An alienated Singaporean father

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